Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
