Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
