it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
