Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
