i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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