FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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