FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
