I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
