i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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