i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
