I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize