whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
