My balls are so social today.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
