Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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