Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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