Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
