coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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