I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
