Only a mothe r could love this liver
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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