You work out of a Hotel?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
