i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
