I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
