...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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