There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize