Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
