I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
