Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
its liver damage thursday
Randomize