Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
