he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
