i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
