Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
