i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sext me about skeletons
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
