he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize