I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
