sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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