all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
