i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
