My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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