sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
