Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We have started to decorate penises.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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