Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
