I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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