sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
