toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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