ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
