Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im drinking this country out of the recession.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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