help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
