I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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