do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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