apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
