How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
