Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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