A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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