butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
