alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
