Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she smelled like a LAN party
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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