And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
