Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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