So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's shark week go big or go home
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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