no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
