Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
