So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize