she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
