if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
