I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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