Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
