he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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