me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
