just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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