Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
