I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
