Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
