you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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