you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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