a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
