just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
