So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He better not be in your backpack
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
