what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
