He is an equal opportunity slut.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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