On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
