you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
