Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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