I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
