I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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