I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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