does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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