well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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