we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
