Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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