Redeem this text for a blowjob
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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