I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
