Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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