hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
